today is friday

hi hi everyone!

so i copied my friend kendal's idea to keep a blog to keep you all updated on my life since i dont have a chance to update everyone always. on that note: i miss everyone like crazy! i'm so sad down here i cannot pull myself out from this funk. all my high school friends are leaving back for college... and it makes me SICK to my stomach that i dont have that joy. my ONE joy in life was san francisco. what will it be now? not even i am sure of that... so far i have literally smoked chronic every day, gone to school - which by the way is super grueling... anthropology & economics were not 2 classes to take in a 4 week period- worked at a new job & played with my dog (who by the way is alot nicer & smarter for those who met him when he was an asshole).

i was hoping that 2009 would be better than 2008, but alas it has failed me so far. i'm the BIGGEST believer in "how you bring in the new year is how the rest of your year goes." well im fucked. i sat on a couch and cried. then i started school a few days later... just to see alia's car parked everyday near mine. lovely. the last thing i ever want to see is her face again... it kills me. i saw her the first night i was home, that should have been a sign my next six months are going to be madness. i might lose it you guys :( i really might. i sat alone last night in my car and just bawled my eyes out. i don't even know who i am anymore. i lost my friends. i lost my school, my future.. what the fuck is life anymore? i keep looking at old pictures to try and boost my self-whatever & i just stay sad. my family is not any support.. or really anything to me either. not helping, not anything. i love them yes. but there is more to parenting than buying me shit and then throwing it in my face like i am supposed to accept $50 as "love".


sorry this is so boring and sad. i really hope than in the next few months i will have something cool to write about..... i really just need ... something. what that something is i have NO IDEA. part of it is i need to laugh again. i dont laugh or smile or do anything you guys loved me for. it makes me sick. and i dont know what to do.

STUCK and EMPTY are my 2 words of the day.

today is friday.
i just re-read my title. wes bought the "friday" ice cube movies triology. i've never seen them isn't that strange?
today i am attempting to make myself have a good friday... its katie's last day here i will missssssss her being 2 streets away!! ass!!! just kidding you german whore. side note: everyone ask katie to show you the picture of the ONE guy she macked on in germany, that IS one thing that made me laugh hysterically last night... sorry bubs lol<3> megan just texted me something about margaritas. which means we are drinking jose cuervo tonight which leads me to the QUESTION of the day: will we make it to the bowling alley??

love and miss you ALL VERY VERY MUCH! im sorry this is such a depressing first entry.. i will hopfully have a fun friday and write something funny for you guys to read. woe me. haha pathetico!

CIAO BELLA! Xx