Therapist appt. went surprisingly alright. I shocked myself by just spilling my guts to her. I guess it was just nice to talk through everything that has happened in the past year with an adult who has good perspective. I started crying/tearing as my stories never ended... I really do have a bunch of heavy chaos just plopped right ontop of me. A whole bunch of YUCK. Dilyse (the therapist) explained that this semester in our sessions we were going to move forward in my life and find out what makes me happy, and how to still feel my self-worth without feeling of the need to be heard. This week I am supposed to come up with a list of stuff that i want and questions i want answered.
The list so far:
- to be happy
- to be motivated
- understand where my sadness comes from; when i start to tear/cry, WHERE does that pain truly originate from
she also wants me to write a letter (or few) to alia. whether or not she receives them/reads them/etc. we will see how that goes. it'll be good to write out my feelings and confusion but i don't feel like i need to ever send her that. to be honest i don't really want that friendship back.
"wait a couple months then you gon' see you never find nobody better than me"
anyways, i was suprised by the outcome & liked the lady. she really understood the situation with my parents because she has heard from both of them individually & together and was shocked how strong i've been at a crazy stage in my life; the stage of moving forward. i am gonna start taking notes during session so that i can summarize what's going on with that for you guys.
WORK TODAY WAS A NIGHTMARE--- drove from glendale to encino to glendale to downtown los angeles back to sherman oaks running around in search of tiles & a faucet. i did that all from 2-6pm which means the worst god awful traffic of my life. i just dont wanna even be in a car for a day or two butttt driving is my life haha.
wesley's aunt is re-doing my hair in half an hour. summar's boss yelled at her for doing free hair soo my mom made me an appt. with my old guy nathan- the one who i ALWAYS complained about for years- and alas, he dyes my hair a pretty color, but it is orange. i look like paramore. it doesnt match my eyebrows, and really makes me feel ugly especially with the milk-tone of my skin... however i bought sunnies today with fierce vipers on the side. i haven't felt the true NEED for a pair of sunnies in awhile, cheers socaL! my goal for my first trip up to SF is to get a sexual tan for you all to be jealous of. :)
weekend forecast looks like a tRiPpY tRiiip tRiP down to tha LBC. snoop dOHdoubleG. haha
by the way- i LOVE being home with little. he is so freaking excited when i get home, he hears my beast of a car & runs to the front window stands on the couch then mauls me when i walk through the door. its great. i get my own little dance performance when i come home it rocks.
CIAO BELLA! Xx
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